Dane Cook:
In Control
Dane Cook is one of America’s best comedians. He has been featured on
Premium Blend, Comics Come Home, and Comedy Central Presents. Dane’s new
album, Harmful If Swallowed, is out now on Comedy Central Records. Dane took
some time out of his schedule to discuss David Letterman, his diet and being
able to control the weather with his mind.
What were you like in high school?
Dane Cook: I was pretty quiet. I broke out of my shell in my junior year and started doing
theatre and realized that I wanted to do comedy. It is also when I discovered
that I had the ability to control the weather with my mind. Started fighting
crime as “Weather Man” but got bored with it so stuck with comedy.
Crime fighting is way too hyped.
What is your worst memory from high school?
Dane Cook: I got a giant pimple on my nose and I swear it felt like someone stapled my
drunk uncle to my face. Everyone was startled when I walked down the halls until
it went away.
What was your first job?
Dane Cook: My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike
around and chuck papers at people's houses. The thing that sucked is when I
would go collecting everyone acted like they were not home. Totally sucked but
because I could control the weather I showered trashcan size hail down on their
homes until they were completely decimated.
Do you remember your worst gig?
Dane Cook: There are so many that it's like never ending. Once someone threw a piece of
corn at me and it hit my mouth. I could taste some hecklers corn! I stopped
my show and said to the guy, “Why did you throw that at me?” He
paused and finally burst out with, “Because your CORNY!” Needless
to say he got the biggest laugh of the night. Until I harnessed the power of
lighting to strike him down.
You move around a lot on stage, have you always been this hyper?
Dane Cook: Naw. I just get excited doing shows. It’s like saying to a basketball
player “You like to run a lot and dribble huh?” No it's just part
of the job. I perform a style of comedy that has elements of physical and written
comedy. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my
hands are too brittle.
Are there any specific events from your childhood that made you
want to go into comedy?
Dane Cook: Just being around a funny family. They were making me laugh and I wanted to
make others laugh. It’s the only thing I ever really wanted to pursue.
What’s the hardest thing about being on the road?
Keeping a steady diet. Back home I eat pretty well and once a week have a cheat
day. On the road it's like you’re sleeping with your head on a Whopper.
Fast food is all around. One time I did a show and got some Wendy’s. I
started driving home and like six hours later stopped and ate at another Wendy’s.
I think I ordered the same stuff too. You really don’t work out a lot
either. Not good.
What’s been your craziest thing that’s happened to
you while touring?
Dane Cook: Well I was on the road and my manager called me and said “You just got
a call from the people at the Late Show with David Letterman. They want you
to come do stand-up on the show.” I was so happy that I don’t think
I could talk. That was crazy because my goal in comedy was to do that show.
A crazy/wonderful moment.
Are there comedy groupies?
Dane Cook: Sure are.
Do you have a favorite joke?
Dane Cook: Nope. I don’t ever do that. I just like being on stage. I don’t
think of the jokes in that way. I do have times where certain jokes appeal to
me so I do them more but I can’t point out one favorite joke from my show.
How did you think of the title Harmful If Swallowed?
Dane Cook: I was editing my CD and while I was doing the editing I went to use the bathroom.
In the rest room was some cleaning solvents that the janitor left there. As
I was doing my business I saw the warning on the bottle and as I flushed the
toilet I yelled “I’VE GOT IT!!” There was really no other
options. I thought that title said it all. It was adult and yet silly. That
is kind of like me. It just fit plus my second choice was my moms home phone
number and I don’t think she would have liked that.
What is the funniest track off of Harmful If Swallowed?
Dane Cook: That is for you to decide. But I like the part where the people laugh.
What are your plans for the summer?
Dane Cook: Vacation and after that continue to edit my follow up CD that comes out in the
fall. Oh and I might play kickball with these kids down the street. I am convinced
that I can kick a ball better than them.
What’s the best part about being a comedian?
Dane Cook: Hanging out with your comedian friends at two in the afternoon on a Thursday
when you know most people are at work and thinking, damn, I am laughing and
relaxing at two on a Thursday afternoon sitting outside. Lucky me.
If you weren't in comedy what do you think you would be doing?
Dane Cook: Graphic arts stuff. I designed my first CDs cover and I do all that Photoshop
stuff all the time. But not the dirty stuff. I don’t spend forty minutes
trying to make it look like George Bush has a penis coming out of his neck.
What comedians have influenced you?
Dane Cook: All of them. I don’t have favorites. I really am a fan of the art of stand-up
comedy.
When did you first realize you wanted to go into comedy?
Dane Cook: When I was dropped on my head as an infant everyone laughed and I knew I was
blessed with a gift.
Describe yourself in three words.
Dane Cook: Spontaneous. Tough. Fearless.
What is the most aggravating aspect of our culture?
Dane Cook: I don’t like people that litter. If you don’t throw a wrapper in
the trashcan and you just toss it out on the ground I wanna take you and toss
you into outer space. But then again that would be like me littering the galaxy
with my waste. Blah I don’t know the answer but I don’t like littering
and I think it leads to terrorist activities. I can explain all the in’s
and out’s here because my hypothesis is very involved, but I do think
littering and terrorism are related.
If you could fight one celebrity, who would it be?
Dane Cook: Brad Pitt. I’d kick his ass all over the place. Is it okay if I fight
him when he is 85?
Your comedy covers a wide range of topics. Do you have a certain
method for writing jokes?
Dane Cook: Nope. I don’t really “write” at all. I just come up with ideas
and improvise them out on stage. I like to be in the moment when I create.
What are your hobbies outside of comedy?
Dane Cook: I like to do photography. I am an avid video game connoisseur. I play guitar
a lot. Rent movies. Take hikes. Sometimes I just roll around with my neighbor’s
dog. Cooking Italian food and then eating it. Is this starting to sound like
a personals ad?
You're a big fan of pranks. What is the best practical joke you
have pulled?
Dane Cook: The best ones I can’t really tell you. To be honest if I did tell you
I might be arrested. Let’s just say that the reaction to one of them was
my friend saying, “I AM GOING TO SUE YOU DANE!”
What are your tips for aspiring comedians?
Dane Cook: Yes just get on stage whenever you can. Know the first few years are tough.
Very. There is no money in it for a long time. Make friends and start your own
open mic nights so you can host and get onstage too. Oh and more than anything
DO NOT STEAL JOKES. No one respects a hack.
Is there anything else you would like to add or comment on?
Dane Cook: Yes, please visit www.DANECOOK.com or I will cause a tornado to tear your house
apart. Hmmm wait a minute that would be littering wouldn’t it. Crap.
For more info on Dane, please check out www.danecook.com to prevent littering.
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